Objects In The Mirror May Be Larger Than They Appear
Is it possible that I am not as attractive, in shape, or as young looking as I think I am? On second thought, don't answer that!
On a recent shopping trip for new shirts, I came face to face with a reality that I would prefer to ignore.
As my shirts and pants have gotten snugger over the past several years, I have had a tendency to blame the high cotton fiber count in my clothing, along with my washer and dryer, for shrinking the material beyond use. I suppose that deep in my subconscious, I know that extra helping of buttered potatoes was partially to blame, but that was only a fleeting thought.
No, on careful review, the problem was definitely a conspiracy perpetrated by clothing manufacturers and retailers alike. The problem with men's clothing, sold in the USA, is that the manufacturers have been lying to us for years, and we were grateful! They made our shirts and pants roomier and roomier, while keeping the same "size" labels, so that we can pretend we haven't gained a pound since high school.
I found a few shirts I liked, and ducked into a dressing room to model them in front of the mirror. After getting over the painful realization that the "L" size was now a little too tight fitting, I was even more traumatized to acknowledge that the "XL" label was really an "XXL" size shirt. This ingenious marketing madness had been feeding my delusions for years, and in my view, was just as responsible for my increasing girth as that extra piece of pie was.
I wondered to myself, "Who else has been lying to me"?
I wondered to myself, "Who else has been lying to me"?
Label aside, I couldn't help but notice how sleek and trim I still looked in my new shirts. I thought to myself, "Wow! This really isn't too bad". These shirts appeared to slim me down. I looked pretty damn fine.
O.K. - O.K. That illusion was short lived. My mirrors back home were not as generous to me. I looked like a tube of Pillsbury Poppin' Fresh pastry. If someone had slapped me against the edge of a counter, I could not be responsible for what might pop out!
How could I gain so much weight during the drive home? Its those frickin' dressing room mirrors! Damn their trickery! I always forget that clothing merchants use those convex mirrors that make you look thinner than you are. I really should get those installed at home. Would do wonders for my self esteem. In fact why not make them mandatory everywhere!
How could I gain so much weight during the drive home? Its those frickin' dressing room mirrors! Damn their trickery! I always forget that clothing merchants use those convex mirrors that make you look thinner than you are. I really should get those installed at home. Would do wonders for my self esteem. In fact why not make them mandatory everywhere!
As brutal as my home mirror images were, they were mild in comparison to the full blown snapshot assault of recent photographs. I just can't look, in real life, as big as I do in photos . . . can I? The problem must be implicit within the camera. Its certainly easier to blame the digital camera maker, as I have with clothing manufacturers and convex mirrors. Anything is better than taking responsibility myself. Yes, that's it! My camera is a Japanese brand, and is somehow exaggerating and distorting my images. O.K., so maybe that is just one more fantasy. But remember, before you challenge this, it was the Japanese that made us children believe that an ordinary size, fake looking, puppet moth was actually the giant monster, Mothra, terrorizing Japan through camera craftiness.
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Truth be told, I have pretty good self esteem and healthy dose of self respect, but I must say that I look like the "before" picture of almost any diet program or reconstructive surgery ad. I can certainly shrug off the natural effects of aging. I am comfortable with my age, and there isn't much one can do about the effects of age anyway, save a good plastic surgeon. But couple that with the extra poundage, and, I just think photos depict me differently than the way I think I actually look.
Believe it or not, when I look at myself, I still see a teenager. Quite frankly, that's what I see when I look at any of my family or long-time friends as well. I only see their "inner self". I don't see age or weight. I don't see the dark circles under my eyes , the loose skin or receding hair line. I still see and feel like a seventeen year old youth.
I modeled briefly when I was in my twenties. I remember all the tricks they used, to make us look better than we did in real life. In addition to carefully crafted lighting, and makeup, they pinned and taped our shirts behind us so that the material was taught against our bodies. No chance for a "puffed out" look caused by air or extra material. We learned how to draw energy to our faces, puff our chests out, and twist our trunks - shoulders back, head straight.
These pictures are proof that cameras used to work correctly. How self indulgent is that? (Left) is when I was 27, during my brief modeling days. I certainly didn't have abs like Taylor Lautner, but was in pretty good shape. (Below Left) is from when I was 44 and still in pretty decent shape,. It was hard work to stay fit, but I was focused and had the time. (Below Right) is from when I was 51 (in late 2008). It is actually one of the better pictures of me. II know it's just a head shot, compared to the other two, but the entire body didn't fit in the space allowed. I need to get back on that treadmill and eat right!
So I am older and more "filled out" now. I am really O.K. with that, but occasionally its fun to look back and remember. I am no longer a teen, or even a young man, and no amount of camera trickery or body twisting can help, short of a good photo shop effort. But as much as I love my life, and my 50's, I still have a bit of an ego, and I know that I can, and should do something about my weight.
But in the meantime, since cameras can't capture a person's spirit, and only document our "shells", I prefer not to be needlessly photographed until I take off some of my weight. I am just not photogenic right now. Maybe its unrealistic and vain, but I know I am not the only one who feels this way. Are you with me fellow chunkies?
There was this great creepy film starring Robin Williams called One Hour Photo. In one of his narratives, he discusses how photo albums don't tell the entire story of a person's life. We leave things out. His character, Seymour Parrish, observes that we only snap photos of the good times, our best moments. Birthday parties, weddings, vacations. Nobody uses a camera to document a fight with a loved one.
So, since cameras can't portray the way I feel inside, lets pass on the photos for now. So wrong! I know. I should get over it. It is a part of me, but if I have to have a photo taken, I would prefer to at least make an effort to improve the conditions. Lighting, angle, etc. And, regarding the weight issue, in my defense, the rule of thumb is that the camera does add ten pounds. This is one of the reasons models and actors always look so small and malnourished when you see them in real life.
One of my favorite references to this, is an old episode of the NBC comedy, Friends, called "The Prom Video". The group of friends are watching Monica's old prom video. When Monica first appears in the video, we see the younger, quite heavier, version of her. In response to Joey's horror, at seeing such a fat Monica, she responds with "Shut up! The camera adds 10 pounds. Chandler, who can't help himself, jumps in with, "Ah, so how many cameras are actually on you"?
My other favorite "weighty" video is the MadTV "Oprah - Fat Camera" skit. It revolves around the Fat/Skinny Oprah and her request to use her special "thinning camera". Is she . . . or isn't she?
Well, its obvious that January's coconut cupcake diet hasn't helped me much, and I don't own a "thinning camera". I suppose if I spent as much time exercising as I do developing my posts, I would be able to throw away my rose-colored glasses. I wonder how many calories a person actually burns typing and staring at a monitor.
Believe it or not, when I look at myself, I still see a teenager. Quite frankly, that's what I see when I look at any of my family or long-time friends as well. I only see their "inner self". I don't see age or weight. I don't see the dark circles under my eyes , the loose skin or receding hair line. I still see and feel like a seventeen year old youth.
I modeled briefly when I was in my twenties. I remember all the tricks they used, to make us look better than we did in real life. In addition to carefully crafted lighting, and makeup, they pinned and taped our shirts behind us so that the material was taught against our bodies. No chance for a "puffed out" look caused by air or extra material. We learned how to draw energy to our faces, puff our chests out, and twist our trunks - shoulders back, head straight.
These pictures are proof that cameras used to work correctly. How self indulgent is that? (Left) is when I was 27, during my brief modeling days. I certainly didn't have abs like Taylor Lautner, but was in pretty good shape. (Below Left) is from when I was 44 and still in pretty decent shape,. It was hard work to stay fit, but I was focused and had the time. (Below Right) is from when I was 51 (in late 2008). It is actually one of the better pictures of me. II know it's just a head shot, compared to the other two, but the entire body didn't fit in the space allowed. I need to get back on that treadmill and eat right!
So I am older and more "filled out" now. I am really O.K. with that, but occasionally its fun to look back and remember. I am no longer a teen, or even a young man, and no amount of camera trickery or body twisting can help, short of a good photo shop effort. But as much as I love my life, and my 50's, I still have a bit of an ego, and I know that I can, and should do something about my weight.
But in the meantime, since cameras can't capture a person's spirit, and only document our "shells", I prefer not to be needlessly photographed until I take off some of my weight. I am just not photogenic right now. Maybe its unrealistic and vain, but I know I am not the only one who feels this way. Are you with me fellow chunkies?
There was this great creepy film starring Robin Williams called One Hour Photo. In one of his narratives, he discusses how photo albums don't tell the entire story of a person's life. We leave things out. His character, Seymour Parrish, observes that we only snap photos of the good times, our best moments. Birthday parties, weddings, vacations. Nobody uses a camera to document a fight with a loved one.
So, since cameras can't portray the way I feel inside, lets pass on the photos for now. So wrong! I know. I should get over it. It is a part of me, but if I have to have a photo taken, I would prefer to at least make an effort to improve the conditions. Lighting, angle, etc. And, regarding the weight issue, in my defense, the rule of thumb is that the camera does add ten pounds. This is one of the reasons models and actors always look so small and malnourished when you see them in real life.
One of my favorite references to this, is an old episode of the NBC comedy, Friends, called "The Prom Video". The group of friends are watching Monica's old prom video. When Monica first appears in the video, we see the younger, quite heavier, version of her. In response to Joey's horror, at seeing such a fat Monica, she responds with "Shut up! The camera adds 10 pounds. Chandler, who can't help himself, jumps in with, "Ah, so how many cameras are actually on you"?
My other favorite "weighty" video is the MadTV "Oprah - Fat Camera" skit. It revolves around the Fat/Skinny Oprah and her request to use her special "thinning camera". Is she . . . or isn't she?
Well, its obvious that January's coconut cupcake diet hasn't helped me much, and I don't own a "thinning camera". I suppose if I spent as much time exercising as I do developing my posts, I would be able to throw away my rose-colored glasses. I wonder how many calories a person actually burns typing and staring at a monitor.
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